That's supposed to be inspirational. Motivating. Whatever. My head is actually in water up to its eyeballs. Breathing is irregular, nostrils mostly flooded. Yeah, I'm drowning.
In other words, life sucks. My meds don't seem to be working as they used to. My life is exactly the same as it always is - miserable. I'm oh-so acutely aware of my many, many blessings, but that awareness only makes me feel like more of a turdburglar. That, and the fact that I pretty much hate two-thirds of my kids. How's that for shitty?
I just returned from an amazing trip. One I've taken for the past three years, to a vacation destination with a group of good friends. Delightful, but over for now. I've nothing to look forward to until next year's trip. The reality of my day-to-day life contrasted against the luxury & indulgence of my trip? Painful. Abjectly painful.
How do I keep going? Don't know that I can. I've managed so far, and can only hope to continue to. The alternative would be pretty awful for those around me.
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